Life is stressful, and we all need a good laugh every now and then. To help you do that, here are some classy science jokes. If you don't get them, it's okay; take a chemistry class and then come read them again. I'm like, in college and some of them still took me awhile to understand...
Q: If a bear in Alaska and a bear in Yosemite both fell in the water, which one would dissolve faster?
A: The one in Alaska, because it's polar.
Confucius say... Man who breathe, inspire. Man who do not breathe, expire.
Q: Why do doctors call helium, curium, and barium the medical elements?
A: Because if you can't helium or curium, you barium.
Ba-DUM ching!
This one may be inappropriate:
Q: What is the fastest way to determine the sex of a chromosome?
A: Pull down its genes!
My biology teacher: "Anybody know what the symptoms of cyanide poisoning are?"
Entire class: "Death."
Q: What do you call a swim team made up of girls named Jennifer?
A: Hydrogens. (Hydro-Jens.....)
Q: Well they're not by the pool, where did they go?
A: I zinc they argon...
Q: What if they've drowned??
A: Then I guess you'll have to fish them out and barium.
Mole problems? Call Avogadro at 602- 1023 today!
Q: What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?
A: A ferrous wheel.
Remember, if you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.
Handy guide to modern science:
If it's green or wriggles, it's biology.
If it explodes, it's chemistry.
If it doesn't work, it's physics.
Q: What do you call a joke that is based on cobalt, radon, and yttrium?
A: CoRnY.
VERY serious.
Now that you've gotten some giggles, I'd like to provide a grave warning. Do not play with or consume unknown chemicals that you find around your house. It is not safe. Be especially careful of compounds such as sodium hypochlorite, ammonium nitrate, and of course, dihydrogen monoxide. Dihydrogen monoxide (DHMO) is possibly the most dangerous household chemical. It is odorless, tasteless, and kills thousands of people every year. Most of these deaths are caused by accidental inhalation of DHMO, but inhalation is not the only danger. Prolonged exposure to solid DHMO causes severe tissue damage. Ingesting DHMO can lead to excessive sweating and urination, feelings of bloatedness and nausea, vomiting, and body electrolyte imbalance. For those who have developed an addiction and have become dependent on DHMO, withdrawal means certain death. Beware of the dangers of dihydrogen monoxide*. Always keep chemicals out of reach of children.
*dihydrogen monoxide is water
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