Quarter Life Crisis

So, I guess today is my birthday or something. It was on this day twenty years ago that I decided to grace the world with my presence. I say "decided" because I was born 16 days late... Even in the womb I liked sleeping in.
Speaking of sleeping in, I wish I could have slept through today. I might be having a quarter-life crisis. (It's a thing). According to a quiz I took online today, I'll die around age 90. That means I have lived 22% of my life already. And I haven't even done 22% of the things I want to do. And for some things, it's TOO LATE BECAUSE NOW I'LL NEVER BE A TEENAGER AGAIN. I have to be all responsible and adult-like now... (probably).

Today was a Potter Tale

Just for fun. A Harry Potter version of "Today was a Fairytale" by Taylor Swift. I recommend you play that song in the background and loudly sing these lyrics over the top of it. 

Today was a Potter tale
The Dursley's are a mess
I used to be a muggle in distress
Gave me a cake and my wizardry confessed

Today was a Potter tale

On a Scale of One to.....

Punny sayings.... They're better in a Utah accent. 
On a scale of one to Harry's godfather, how serious are you? Dead Sirius.

Long Hair Problems

A few days ago I got a hair cut. (Just a single hair...) Except it was more of a trim than a cut. Which is why I can't be offended that no one is complimenting my haircut. Maybe if I cut it short, people would notice. It would solve a lot of problems. It's rough having long hair:

Get out of my mind!

So with everyone moving away at the end of the semester and all my guy friends going on missions, it feels like everyone I know has vanished off the face of the earth. To avoid that awful hole-in-your-stomach feeling, I've come up with a few ways to keep yourself from missing people! It works with friends, acquaintances, crushes, and even pets. So whether it's your best friend moving to Timbuktu or beloved Goldie passing away after a long fishy life (about 14 days), use these tips to stop the weeping as the plane takes off and the fish transcends the porcelain throne to his watery grave.

Goodbye, Mr. Fish. You were a good fish. You never ran away from home or anything.  :(

One year older and wiser, too

Well, that's it. My freshman year of college is over. I decided to figure out if I've learned anything at all the past nine months... And I realized I've learned a LOT (surprising, I know). So here's a hodgepodge list of stuff that's been crammed into my brain since September. 

I think I'm kind of funny

So awhile ago I did a stand-up comedy routine for my ward talent show. I'm still not sure if it was even funny or not, but it amused me, so maybe you will find small enjoyment in it as well. Especially because it's all about our favorite topic--BYU dating. Some things are specific to my ward, but you can ignore those. Also, delivery is a big part so... pretend I'm screaming at you.

"You'll be engaged by December!"

Awopierjvkla;*&YAhfk

You know that moment when you pulled an all-nighter and you were fine becuase you were doing stuff but then you sat down to watch Hulu and then all of a sudden you're like falling aslepe...? This is that moment. I an also leaving all the typos in this post because I am took tired to fix it. (Haha, good luck, suckers.)

^ You trying to read this pots with its innumerable typos.

The woodchuck's 24 hours of fame

Ah, Groundhog's Day. The day we bestow the responsibility and blame of weather patterns upon a small, unassuming rodent. On Groundhog Day, if the poor little creature sees his shadow, six more weeks of winter are "predicted". This whole tradition, however, is backwards on so many levels.

You won't BELIEB your ears

Alright, all you Bieber-haters. Listen up, because the next time a crazed tweenage fan girl screams in your face, "O MAH GODNES Y DO U HAET DA BEIBST3R????!!??! OMGEE LOL HES SUCH A BABE!!!", you can respond with class, dignity, and irrefutable logic why Justin is not as babe-a-liscious as it may be believed.

Dear Everyone,

Sometimes I wish people would listen to me. (Hence the blog...) But really, I have a few things I need to tell everyone. This means YOU. Everyone.

1. Happy birthday! I am too lazy to text/call/write on your wall/tweet your face... Seriously, I know a lot of people. I am just way too popular to call every single one of you. So consider this your birthday wish for 2012! And any other year that I don't say happy birthday. Just know that you are always in my thoughts, sometimes.

"Don't be stupid" -Thomas Paine

Today is officially "Use Your Common Sense Day". If you don't believe me, I can prove it. It is also "National Chicken Lady Day", but that's beside the point.

I have seen several things in the past few days that I wish to correct with a small dose of good judgement.

1. Wearing flip-flops and a coat. Uh, really? It's not even that cold today. If you are that freezing, put on some rainbow, knee-high toe socks and man up. Seriously. Also, BYU has a "Shoes at all times on campus" policy, and according to my dad, flip-flops are not shoes. They may cover the bottom of your foot, but they provide no protection from cold, dirt, bugs, or puppies.

They're gonna get you.

Was it a date?

Those of you girls who are stuck in the "hang out" rut, this is for you (I feel your pain). This flowchart will help you to determine which of your activities have been "hanging out" and which have been actual dates. Remember, if it's a date, it's a date, regardless of what your male counterpart may call it.