You won't BELIEB your ears

Alright, all you Bieber-haters. Listen up, because the next time a crazed tweenage fan girl screams in your face, "O MAH GODNES Y DO U HAET DA BEIBST3R????!!??! OMGEE LOL HES SUCH A BABE!!!", you can respond with class, dignity, and irrefutable logic why Justin is not as babe-a-liscious as it may be believed.

1. "The Biebster" cannot count. In his music video One Time, Justin claims, "I'ma tell you one time" that he "[loves] you". Throughout the course of the video, however, he sings "I love you" more than a dozen times.

2. He is a liar. In One Less Lonely Girl, he claims "I saw so many pretty faces... Now all I see is you... Don't need these other pretty faces like I need you". That may seem "sweet" to you, but in fact, it is not. The word "these" connotes a sense of proximity, and implies that he still sees the "pretty faces" that he not three lines earlier claimed to no longer notice!

3. Justin is sexist. In Favorite Girl, he calls girls "possessions". Also in One Time, Justin says, "I'ma be your one guy/ You'll be my #1 girl". This insinuates that his girlfriend must be loyal and faithful, with only one man in her life, yet he can have as many women as he desires, as long as she is his favorite.

Feminists around the world abhor.

4. He is conceited. In both Favorite Girl and Eenie Meenie, he portrays himself as "Mr. Right". Also in Eenie Meenie, he claims to be "paradise" and says "With me you're winning". He thinks of himself as the grand prize. Tweenage fan girls may agree, but I certainly do not.

5. Bieber thinks love can be objectified. In Baby, "I wanna play it cool but I'm losin' you/ I'll buy you anything, I'll buy you any ring". These lyrics demonstrate Bieber's belief that money can buy love. He thinks that by buying a woman objects, she will love him. That is basically prostitution. Are you sure you want your children listening to someone with such poor moral values?

6. He contradicts himself*. He tells the world to "never say never", yet he himself says "never" more than 50 times in ONE song. He also has two songs with "never" in their titles.

*Thank you, Kelby.

7. He looks like a woman.

Before earrings:

Decent.

After earrings:

Oh. My. Goodness.

8. His name rhymes with "beaver". Can we really trust someone whose name rhymes with a disease-ridden rodent responsible for much of the deforestation in South America, leading to the depletion of the ozone layer and global warming? I think not.

Justin Bieber epitomizes the degradation and downhill slope of society. It's the men-children like Justin who cause children to care more about werewolves and bikinis than world peace and humanity.

Also, werewolves IN bikinis. What is this world coming to???