All I need is 47 cats

I am basically destined to be a cat lady. Don't believe me? I'll prove it.
First. It's in my blood. My dad hates cats, but obviously these things skip a generation. Plus I'm one-fourth Canadian which starts with "ca-" just like cats does, multiplied by the square of common letters equals 100%. One hundred percent original crazy cat lady.
Second. This video (See original here)

Uh yeah Kalen is the best. We could totally start a cat colony. Like a nun convent but with cats. 

Lesser of Two Evils

I apologize for my somewhat lengthy blogging hiatus. You see, I attended spring term here at BYU, where I ACTUALLY HAD FRIENDS!!! And now that I'm home for summer, I haven't had enough motivation to get out of bed before noon, let alone to be witty, sarcastic, and annoying.
So about two months ago, I took the Salt Lake Express shuttle to good ol' Rexburg, Idaho, for my best friend's missionary farewell (Yes, I paid $115.70 for that. But I saved three dollars so it was a good deal). While I was there, I stayed with my wonderful cousin at her apartment. I also got the opportunity to tour BYU-I (aka the "lesser" BYU) and spend a little bit of time on the campus. After this experience, I came to one conclusion.

Get out of my mind!

So with everyone moving away at the end of the semester and all my guy friends going on missions, it feels like everyone I know has vanished off the face of the earth. To avoid that awful hole-in-your-stomach feeling, I've come up with a few ways to keep yourself from missing people! It works with friends, acquaintances, crushes, and even pets. So whether it's your best friend moving to Timbuktu or beloved Goldie passing away after a long fishy life (about 14 days), use these tips to stop the weeping as the plane takes off and the fish transcends the porcelain throne to his watery grave.

Goodbye, Mr. Fish. You were a good fish. You never ran away from home or anything.  :(

Intense Individual Research

I once got accused of "Facebook stalking" certain attractive members of the opposite sex. I replied, "I'm not stalking. I'm conducting intense individual research". Okay, I didn't actually reply, because I was looking at the 600 pictures on their profile... But I would have said that. Research is much more professional and socially acceptable than stalking. But in case you are interested, there are some really great ways to... research people.

1. Facebook's new timeline thing. You can literally see a person's entire life. Perfect for studying an individual's past relationships, occupations, life events, and literally everything. The funniest thing to do to freak people out is whilst chatting with them, go onto their timeline and "like" their birth, then immediately log off.

Dear Everyone,

Sometimes I wish people would listen to me. (Hence the blog...) But really, I have a few things I need to tell everyone. This means YOU. Everyone.

1. Happy birthday! I am too lazy to text/call/write on your wall/tweet your face... Seriously, I know a lot of people. I am just way too popular to call every single one of you. So consider this your birthday wish for 2012! And any other year that I don't say happy birthday. Just know that you are always in my thoughts, sometimes.

I mustache you a question...

A moustache [muhs-tash, muh-stash] is facial hair grown on the outer surface of the upper lip. It may or may not be accompanied by a type of beard, a facial hair styler grown and cropped to cover most of the lower half of the face.

The mustache, or moustache if you're British, is the perturbing paradox of man. Theoretically, the mustache adds an air of class and finesse to any schlub in a tuxedo. Truly, however, the mustache is a detriment to any and all men, no matter how angelic their clean-shaven baby face is.

Look. Even Brad Pitt can't pull it off, and apparently he's "dreamy". All it does is make him look like some 50-year-old taxi driver.

Creamery on Ninth

The Creamery. It's sort of like the BYU Walmart. There are ridiculously long lines at weird hours of the day--like nine o' clock at night. Weird, random items in bins in the back of the store, like q-tips and polka-dot socks. You go there for one thing, can't find it, and end up spending ten or fifteen dollars on something completely different. Also, you can shop there if you have slippers on, but not if you're wearing short shorts or a tank top. It is also Heritage Halls' top date destination. I'm not kidding. I've been on three dates that involved the Creamery.

Also, if you go to the Creamery's web page, down in the bottom left corner, there is a link of "Date Ideas". Or scroll down to "Delicious Dating". WARNING: This content may not be suitable for children who are lactose intolerant... Because it's so cheesy!

Why is the Creamery so amazing? Let's dissect it, aisle by aisle.

College= (High school) * 1,000,000,000,000,000,000

I have been talking to a few of my friends recently who are still in high school, and I realized something. I did not like high school. I managed to have a fun time with extracurriculars and friends, but school as a whole was dreadful, despite some enjoyable classes. By the end of senior year, I was SO ready for college. And now that I'm here, it is AWWEEESSSOMMMMEEEEE.... Here are some reasons why.

1. The schedule.

First of all, the daily schedule. In high school, you were required to be at school, in a desk, for 7 hours every day. My high school was from 7:30 AM to 2:10 PM. That is a looooong time. In college, you don't have that. You get to pick how many classes a day you take, and at what time you take them. So if you don't want to have class until 1:30 on Tuesdays and Thursdays, you don't! And if you only want to have two classes on Fridays, you do!

"Don't be stupid" -Thomas Paine

Today is officially "Use Your Common Sense Day". If you don't believe me, I can prove it. It is also "National Chicken Lady Day", but that's beside the point.

I have seen several things in the past few days that I wish to correct with a small dose of good judgement.

1. Wearing flip-flops and a coat. Uh, really? It's not even that cold today. If you are that freezing, put on some rainbow, knee-high toe socks and man up. Seriously. Also, BYU has a "Shoes at all times on campus" policy, and according to my dad, flip-flops are not shoes. They may cover the bottom of your foot, but they provide no protection from cold, dirt, bugs, or puppies.

They're gonna get you.

Entertaining yourself in Provo

I have gotten very good at entertaining myself, since my roommate Shantel is constantly on dates. And as you know, she is my life. So when she is gone, I have no life. This happens just about every night. Not kidding; last Sunday it was like "Oh, where did Shantel go? Oh, she's over at some guy's apartment making some crepes or something? Oh." She'll go out with a guy and I sit in my room, on the floor, staring at the wall. The roles are never reversed. Because I have been on one date the entire time I've been here. And she was there too. I guess in a way this is good, because it means I won't be getting married in December, contrary to popular BYU stereotype. But at the same time, it means I never eat. Besides canned food and ramen.

Was it a date?

Those of you girls who are stuck in the "hang out" rut, this is for you (I feel your pain). This flowchart will help you to determine which of your activities have been "hanging out" and which have been actual dates. Remember, if it's a date, it's a date, regardless of what your male counterpart may call it.

The Infamous "Sundate"

Ah, the Sundate. The easiest way for a guy to get a date at BYU. A Sundate is exactly what it sounds like: a date on Sunday evening. Shantel had one last night.

But what exactly IS a Sundate? It can't really be a date, because that would be breaking the Sabbath. So it's not technically a date, but girls and boys pair off and do some fun/free activities. Basically, the guy just has to ask the girl at church if she'll come over to do something "spiritually uplifting", like decorating cookies. Last night, Shantel and her man made scones and then had deep discussions staring into each others' eyes while devouring them. Okay, it wasn't that intense. She just hung out with a guy friend and they ate and talked. (How boring, right?)