All I need is 47 cats

I am basically destined to be a cat lady. Don't believe me? I'll prove it.
First. It's in my blood. My dad hates cats, but obviously these things skip a generation. Plus I'm one-fourth Canadian which starts with "ca-" just like cats does, multiplied by the square of common letters equals 100%. One hundred percent original crazy cat lady.
Second. This video (See original here)

Uh yeah Kalen is the best. We could totally start a cat colony. Like a nun convent but with cats. 

I have a cat board on Pinterest. It almost has my pictures than my obligatory wedding board.
Next. That one time I got friend-zoned by someone I wasn't even interested in. That was awkward. Also I'm pretty sure only Russians read my blog. And sometimes I feel like the only way I'll find someone to love me is if I knit tiny sweaters for all the stray cats in the neighborhood. With catnip-infused yarn. 
Finally. This quiz:
1. Do you think a cat is a suitable substitution for a man? Or are you willing to settle if puss comes to shove?

 (Hahaha get it because "puss" is another word for cat"...)

2. Do you refer to the first day of the weekend as "Caturday"?
3. Do you enjoy rubbing your hands through luxuriously soft and fluffy materials? 
4. Do your friends send you text messages like this:

Or post these on your Facebook wall: 

"Hey saw this and thought of you" 

5. Are the sole beneficiaries of your will are your cat and her three kittens?

6. Do the last 382 pictures of you on Facebook have a cat somewhere in the foreground, background, or comment section?
7. Does the fact that people associate your name with hairballs warm your kitty-loving heart?

If you answered "yes" "maybe" or even "that doesn't sound so bad" to any or all of the above... Congratulations. You are officially a cat lady. Even the guys.
Luckily for me, I only answered "yes" to all of those questions. Oh wait.
Hey. At least cats never call you mean names. Sure, they'll ignore you from time to time, or scratch you, or pee in your slippers, or run away and get hit by a car, becoming a catcake on the side of Bangerter highway, but they don't judge you. They always look happy (or maybe possessed. Same difference). They eat bugs and mice and nasty things for you. Their purring is proven to be a natural sedative. They can jump super high like furry superheros and have KNIVES for FINGERS. And most importantly, cats don't hate you because you're pale or fat or short or ugly or crazy or stupid. They just hate all humans equally. That's why they're the best. And that's why I'm going to be... blessed enough to be with them forever. 

I don't even like cats. 

P.s. Someone please buy me this cat lady action figure.