- You have four seasons: Almost winter, winter, still winter, and construction.
- Someone in the Home Depot store offers you assistance and they don't work there.
- You've ever worn shorts and a parka at the same time.
- "Vacation" means going somewhere south of Salt Lake City for the weekend.
- You local Dairy Queen is closed from September to May.
- You measure distance in hours.
- You know several people who have hit a deer more than once.
- It's above 32 degrees in February and everyone is wearing shorts and t-shirts.
- You have switched from 'heat' to 'A/C' and back again several times in the same day.
- You installed security lights on your house and garage but leave both unlocked.
- You can drive 75 mph through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard without flinching.
- The speed limit on the highway is 75 mph, you're going 80, and everyone is still passing you.
- You NEVER get snow days; schools stay open even if four feet of snow falls overnight.
- Kids' halloween costumes are designed to fit over snowsuits.
- You've had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed the wrong number.
- Your driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow.
- You find 10 degrees "a little chilly".
- Green jello with carrots mixed in it doesn't seem strange.
- You can pronounce Tooele.
- "U" is not just a letter, and neither is "Y".
- You are not surprised to hear words like "darn", "fetch", "flip", "oh my heck", and "shoot".
- Your tulips get snowed on three times after they come up and twice more after they bloom.
I took this picture on May 1, 2011:
- 30% humidity to you is muggy and almost unbearable.
- You know the difference between a "Steak House" and a "Stake House".
- You were an aunt or an uncle before you were three.
- Your family considers a trip to Arctic Circle a night out.
- You have two gallons of ice cream in your freezer at all times.
- You're on the freeway and the cars in the slow lane are traveling fastest, the cars in the fast lane are traveling slowest, and cars in the middle lanes are trying to exit.
- More movies have been filmed in your hometown than in Hollywood.
- Toasts are wedding receptions are made with red punch.
- You have more raw wheat in your basement than some third-world countries.
- Your idea of a good time is playing Pictionary in the cultural hall.
- Your idea of a wild party is a six-pack of Pepsi and a PG-13 movie.
- If you measure Kool-aid by parts per million.
- You know what fry sauce is made of.
- You go to the duck pond to feed the seagulls.
- You have actually eaten funeral potatoes.
- The handle on your car door has given you both heat and frost burns in the same month.
- More than one person stops to help you when you break down on the highway.
- At least two of your salad bowls are at the homes of neighbors.
- There is a similarity between a ward basketball game and the L.A. riots.
- You negotiate prices at a garage sale.
- You've heard about BYU football in a testimony meeting.
- A member of your family wrote in "Lavell Edwards" for president in the last election.
- You live in a state where Democrats always come in third place. Unless a zoo animal is running. Then they come in fourth.
- People wear socks with their sandals.
- In-state college football rivalries are bigger than the Super Bowl.
- A new family moves into your neighborhood, and your whole family has to go and meet them the next day, after you helped them unload the moving van.
- You've never had a Mormon missionary knock on your door, unless you invited them over for dinner that night.
- You think "You're a 10 cow wife!" is the highest compliment your husband could give you.
And that's how you know. Welcome to Utah. Please enjoy the fry sauce, bipolar weather, and lowest alcohol consumption per capita in the United States. Because Mormons don't need alcohol to go crazy; we're just naturally insane. (By we, mostly I mean "me".)
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