Intervention!

I am in desperate need of an intervention. For those of you who leadperfect lives, or don't know how to use a search engine, wikipedia.org defines an intervention as "an orchestrated attempt by family and friends to get someone to seek professional help with an addiction or other serious problem". Well, I have quite a few problems, but I definitely have one more serious than the rest. The past week, the earliest I went to bed was 3 a.m. THREE IN THE MORNING. I am slowly losing my mind. And dying a little bit. So if anyone wants to save my life a little bit by intervening, here is how you conduct an intervention.

Ask others to help.

Called to Serve

This post, for once, is going to be completely serious. This week, more than a half dozen of my guy friends got their mission calls for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. In less than six months, they will all be in various places around the world, giving up two years of their life--including home, Facebook, and girls--to preach the gospel. I am so incredibly grateful to be surrounded by so many examples who literally do as the apostle Luke said and lose two years of their lives for Christ's sake. I know that whether they're in Argentina or Boston, the Netherlands or Chile, they will be doing what the Lord wants them to be doing. I am going to miss them all a lot, but I am so proud of them all for choosing to "go where you want me to go", as the hymn says. Good luck, boys. You are going to be great missionaries and wonderful emissaries of Christ.

A friend in need is a friend indeed.

"A friend in need is a friend indeed". I've never really been sure what this saying meant. But it's about friends, and friends in need. Which makes me think about how I have no friends. I am a friend in need.... to myself. I am going to be my very own best friend. And here are the ways, straight from wiki*, that I will utilize to increase my happiness.

1. "Be active". They say exercise releases endorphins into your brain that make you happy. But in my case, the pain from an asthma attack will take my mind off the emotional sorrow and loneliness. Also, hopefully if I work out I'll become more attractive, therefore more desirable, and then maybe people will like me.

Or I'll just die.

Intense Individual Research

I once got accused of "Facebook stalking" certain attractive members of the opposite sex. I replied, "I'm not stalking. I'm conducting intense individual research". Okay, I didn't actually reply, because I was looking at the 600 pictures on their profile... But I would have said that. Research is much more professional and socially acceptable than stalking. But in case you are interested, there are some really great ways to... research people.

1. Facebook's new timeline thing. You can literally see a person's entire life. Perfect for studying an individual's past relationships, occupations, life events, and literally everything. The funniest thing to do to freak people out is whilst chatting with them, go onto their timeline and "like" their birth, then immediately log off.

You won't BELIEB your ears

Alright, all you Bieber-haters. Listen up, because the next time a crazed tweenage fan girl screams in your face, "O MAH GODNES Y DO U HAET DA BEIBST3R????!!??! OMGEE LOL HES SUCH A BABE!!!", you can respond with class, dignity, and irrefutable logic why Justin is not as babe-a-liscious as it may be believed.

Dear Everyone,

Sometimes I wish people would listen to me. (Hence the blog...) But really, I have a few things I need to tell everyone. This means YOU. Everyone.

1. Happy birthday! I am too lazy to text/call/write on your wall/tweet your face... Seriously, I know a lot of people. I am just way too popular to call every single one of you. So consider this your birthday wish for 2012! And any other year that I don't say happy birthday. Just know that you are always in my thoughts, sometimes.

Apology

I would like to apologize for my fortnight hiatus. I am sure you were all extremely disappointed with the lack of posts, as I am no doubt your favorite blogger in the entire world. I was gone for Christmas break. I went home to very slow internet, thus I was too lazy to wait for the page to load.... In addition, this blog IS called "You know you live in Provo", and I wasn't even in Provo. I wouldn't want to mar my reputation. Anyways, I am back! With lots of fresh ideas for the New Year :)