Confidence Booster Shot

I feel like I may have done a post like this before, but my friend is in desperate need of some advice. (How embarrassing, right?) So just for you, here are some quick, fast, and easy ways to dispel doubt from your mind. Just bear in mind, all of these treatments must be applied in moderation, or you will be oozing so much confidence from your body that you will frighten away any and all potential pals, playmates, or partners.

Some things, like grilled cheese sandwiches, are good when they ooze. Others are not. Like confidence. Or zits.

1. Inspirational music. Listen to this music while you shower, walk to class, do homework, and whenever you ask girls on dates. Basically, whenever heroic background music would play in a movie, play these songs. It will inspire you and make your life a million times more epic.

Don't Stop Believin' by Journey. SO inspiring. Though your confidence may slip through your fingers like silken smoke, Journey's top-hit anthem will encourage you to reach out and grasp it up again. Just hold on to that feeling.

Be a Man from Disney's Mulan. This song lays out line by line the steps you need to take to reclaim your masculinity. So get down to business and defeat [your doubts].

I Will Survive by Gloria Gaynor. Gloria's got the beats. I Will Survive is guaranteed to put the spring back in your step, the twinkle back in your eye, and the clickety-clack back in your keyboard.

Respect by Aretha Franklin. When you feel trampled, full of insecurity, just give yourself a little respect. You don't need money, fame, or fortune. Just seven little letters.

Eye of the Tiger by Survivor. Rise up with your will to survive. Don't lose your grip on your dreams; fight to keep them alive.

Never Say Never by Justin Bieber. What? What is baby Bieber doing mixed in with this dynamic music, you say? Well, this song will inspire you to never stoop to Justin's level. Learn from other's mistakes.

Whatever your confidence playlist, just ensure you pick songs with SOUL. You need songs that make you laugh; songs that make you cry; songs that make you pee your pants because you're so overcome with emotion that you lose all control over your bodily functions.

You're gonna need a napkin or something.....

2. Positive affirmation.

Put cutesy quotes on your walls and mirrors. You can put sticky notes around your house reminding yourself: "Someone loves you!", "You are a hunk.", "Hey there, stud muffin,", and on your mirror, "Good morning, you delicious piece of eye candy. Let's make today a scrumptious and savory success."

Talk to yourself. It is a scientific fact* that small children need at least 4 hours of interaction daily. That principle carries into adulthood. To be your most confident, you need daily conversations lasting for a total of 240 minutes per 24 hour time span--this is the golden ratio. If your friends, family members, and acquaintances are not fulfilling your needs fully, then you can satisfy them yourself. Just chat with yourself. It can be in your head or out loud. (Though your roommates may question your sanity if you constantly converse with no one...)

Send yourself complimenting emails, text messages, and bouquets of flowers. Not only will it boost your confidence to receive so much acclaim throughout the day, but it will also improve your reputation. "Wow, why does Bob always get so many flowers and gifts? There must be a lot of people who love him. Maybe I should love him too!" Also, you not only want your coworkers to notice you, you need them to...

Build your confidence and your reputation or no no one will notice your rotting corpse.

*Not based on actual fact.

3. Cats.

Warning: This may be the beginning of a vicious cycle. But luckily, if you are male, you can never become a cat lady!*

*You may be something worse.

Cats make people happy. Play with kittens. Watch cat videos on YouTube. Cats make people cry, in a good way. Your confidence as a competent member of society is directly proportional to the number of cats you own.

(Warning: Your confidence level is actually the red line....)

4. According to this website, you should change your appearance, because "Clothes make the man!"

Dress more sharply, sit up straighter, walk more quickly, and work out.

Basically, in order to feel better about yourself, don't be yourself.

While you're at it, you should photoshop all the pictures you put on Facebook so that you get a lot of friends. And then never go outside because then people would see the real you.

5. Don't second-guess yourself. Listen to your heart. There's nothing else you can do.

Remember, action delayed is success denied! The more time you spend believing in yourself, the more time you can enjoy reaping the benefits of your confidence.