DAVS

DAVS: [dovs] noun Day After Valentine's Syndrome: Condition that overcomes large groups of people, esp. college campuses, on February 15. Symptoms included bloating, depression, drowsiness, and feelings of indifference and numbness.

Valentine's Day has been a dreaded holiday by many since its origins in 496 A.D. It is supposed to be a day of love and joy in the middle of a dreary winter, but often just increases feelings of loneliness and despair. Also known as SAD, or Singles Awareness Day, Valentine's Day is a touching 24 hours of mushiness, doilies, and kittens for cutesy, PDA-ing couples around the world. Despite its short-lived joy, however, Valentine's Day brings more trouble than it's worth.

First of all, chocolate. It's great for a day, but honestly, how much do you need? Yesterday I ate so much chocolate that I felt like if I didn't eat something salty I was going to puke. And today my stomach hurts from all the sugar. Though there are certain benefits to chocolate intake, such as migraine suppression, reduction in blood pressure, and recovery from dementor attacks, chocolate in excess carries more risks than benefits. It leads to obesity and cardiovascular disease. According to popular belief, chocolate causes acne. It also has a higher concentration of lead than most food products, and therefore has potential to cause mild lead poisoning. Most importantly, the theobromine in chocolate is toxic to many animals, including horses, dogs, and cats. Cats, no one really cares about, but don't let little Fido get a hold of your Valentine or he will keel over and play dead. Except he's not playing.

Speaking of dogs, what kind of dog does Dracula have? Wait for it... a bloodhound!

Yeah, I know it doesn't relate to anything. But this puppy is cute.

Worst, chocolate in romantic folklore is characterized as an aphrodisiac. Research indicates that a substance in chocolate competes with some chemical in your brain, blocking receptors in charge of self-control... And according to wikipedia, "this induced blockage can lead to arousal". In other words, he didn't get you chocolate because he wants you to be happy. He bought that heart-shaped box of candy in order to seduce you into a chocolatey stupor.

That candy is bad for you, and probably also made you fat. Also, for those of you with lactose intolerance, the chocolate makes you somewhat flatulent--bad for not just yourself, but for everyone around you.

Besides chocolate, you've got your post-holiday depression. The lovey-dovey oozy-gooey-mooey holiday is over and now you're back to the drudgery of everyday life. It's cold, it's dark, it's snowy even though two days ago you could get by without wearing shoes. And worst of all, BYU doesn't have a spring break. The closest you get is President's Day weekend. Which by the way, is the scheduled media fast for your communications class. So not only will your roommates and friends be in Vegas while you're stuck in Provo, but you can't even use your phone/computer/iPod while they're gone. Haha, good luck. And it's all because of Valentine's Day. Even if you have a great day on the 14th, it's counter-productive. "The higher they are, the harder they fall". The better Valentine's you have... the worse rest of your life.

First world problems...