I did something miraculous the other day.
I finished an entire tube of chapstick. That never happens! I always, always lose them before I finish them. I feel like I deserve an award of some sort.
This is way more prestigious than any Oscar or Emmy or Darwin award.
If you are like me, and generally chapstick is a lose-it-'fore-you-use-it sort of thing, here are some things you can do to use it up. Better than letting it go to waste!
Use it as a moisturizer. That greasy tube of animal lard will make your skin baby soft in no time.
Slime it all over your finger to get that old high school ring off. I don't care if your team won the football state championship. You are forty and that ring is cutting off your circulation.
Groom your mustache, eyebrows, and goatee. If your facial hair is always misbehaving, use the stick to whip it into shape. The polymers in the chapstick will keep the hair in place and smoothed down, while the grease will give it a nice, clean sheen.
Use it like a glue stick. The name chapSTICK connotes a stickiness, like glue. It will hold anything together.
Chapstick is very nice for shining your shoes, or your bicycle. It'll add a nice shimmery effect, especially if you use colored. And the flavor helps eliminate foot odor.
If you get a paint chip in your wall, just fill it in with a chunk of chapstick. It'll fill the hole, and if it's clear you won't even be able to tell it's there.
The main thing to remember about chapstick is to never settle for mediocrity. Sure, cheap lip balm will still help your lips, but only the original stuff is so multi-functional.
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