20 bucks

My arm has a fever.
I know it's "for my own good", as I said to the nurse, but is it really necessary to stick 37, 000 needles into my poor, frail body? (And by 37, 000 I mean seven. And by frail I mean I didn't eat breakfast.) But seriously. I feel like there's got to be a better way to get people healthy than by viciously jabbing a rusty metal rod into their muscles.
Option #1: Maybe a pill? Then instead of injecting a live virus into the fatty tissue of your arm where it can wreak havoc with your autoimmune system... You could just swallow a little tablet and be done. It's like getting all of the awesome Spidey powers without needing to be bitten by a radioactive arachnid.

Then you could be as happy as this freakishly content woman.
*This picture has been censored for our more sensitive viewers.* 

Option #2: If you must use a needle filled with phage stew, mix 'em all together in one shot. I feel like a piece of Swiss cheese. First the TB test injection, then two finger pricks for the hemoglobin test, and then four separate inoculations? Just make an MMRHepATdapH1N1 injection. A lightly tossed salad of infectious diseases, if you will.

I Googled "salad" and this came up... What. 

Option #3: Die in a hole. It would probably be more enjoyable.

This was me today. Not kidding. After I was done the nurse said, "You were so brave!" and gave me some M&Ms. 

At least the nurses are understanding. The one who stabbed me asked when she was done, "Do you feel like a million bucks? Or at least twenty?"  So that was nice of her. Also those M&Ms were really good. And my bandaids have Snoopy on them. So... maybe it wasn't that bad. Just don't ask me to move.

I've noticed that I really only post when I've gotten a flu shot or am sick. I guess I'm only clever when I'm delirious. Or maybe I just think I'm clever when I'm delirious. My deliriousness causes visions of grandeur. I'm going to stop now.