Fuzz Mormons Say

Mormons say some pretty weird things. (If you don't believe me, check it out here). I have illustrated several of these phrases, according to the picture I get in my head when little Johnny starts spouting off colloquialisms faster than two grandmas gossip. 

"With every fiber of my being"

Though I suppose this phrase technically makes sense, the pronunciation is as such that I hear "with every fiber of my bean". Thus: 

Notice the key placement of both Fiber-One and Benefiber on the kidney bean suit. 

"Holy Hannah Montana" 

 Here is the "normal", albeit somewhat creepy, Hannah Montana. 

Now, I don't know much about celebrities, but from what I hear, they aren't exactly the most saint-like people in Hollywood. So, I don't picture this kind of holy: 

But rather....

Just like Swiss cheese. 

"Beyond a shadow of a doubt"

Now, this is a popular "testimony meeting" phrase. Just like "with every fiber of my being", it has meaning, but meaning so obscure that not even hipster Nephi can understand. 

I hope this isn't sacrilegious. 

Anyways, as a small child, I was confused by the phrase (and by small child, I mean this was last week), so I decided that Mr. "A. Doubt" was a person, and that his shadow, much like the shadow on the pridelands shown to Simba, is a place of darkness, where you must never venture. Stay beyond the shadow of A. Doubt.

It is rather ominous. 

"Bear with me"

Ah, my absolute favorite "Mormonism". People often begin sacrament meeting talks with an excuse about staying up late or having a lot of homework or only preparing for 96,000 hours instead of 100,000, and then throw out the disclaimer "So please bear with me". Unfortunately, this almost always reduces me to a fit of giggling, and I cannot focus on their talk... (Though according to them, it wasn't that good anyways). Why does this simple phrase induce so much hysteria and mirth? Because IT'S FUNNY: 

You will never get this image out of your head. 

Thank you for joining me on this week's episode of "Mormons Say the Darndest Things!" This is your host, signing off. Until next time, have a good night.